25 & Bow-Fly!

Yep. This is yours truly! I had my mom dig this gem out for me the other day as my co-workers and I were attempting to find our baby doppelgangers (look-a-likes). We decided I looked like a baby Donald Duck... flattering, right?! How does that relate to what's to follow you may ask? Well... I guess it doesn't really except for it is as random as many of these thoughts will seem to be!

Anyhow, I guess I just wanted to take a minute to share with you the random bits and pieces that I have been learning as a result of my life's recent experiences.

MYTH BUSTED! I don't know if anyone else has heard the rumor that Brigham Young supposedly once said that any man who is 25 and unmarried is a menace to society, but I know I have heard this like a bazillion times. Well, in the days leading up to my 25th, I felt like I ought to find out if I was aging into a "menace." Not gonna lie--pretty relieved when following a thorough Google search, I learned that this was nothing more than what my old mission companion would call "a faith promoting rumor." Although, in this case for me, it was a bit more "fear" promoting than anything.

Some thoughts on being single, though, when you are trying so hard to not be.

1. Marriage is not a measure of self-worth. Oh, neither is your relationship status for that matter. The real truth is if you are ever feeling like you are not measuring up as far as your worth, you may just want to reevaluate what you are using for your metric. I know that marriage can actually feel like a measure of success for young LDS folks because I feel the same societal pressures. The sad thing though is that marital status can leave a young single adult feeling condemned and almost at times, a little like a failure. These feelings are WRONG! You're individual worth is literally not a function of interpersonal relationships. FACT. That's why it is called "self-worth"... I pontificate, NOT "Interpsersonal-worth." Just occurred to me that the best person who ever lived's marital status is unknown... but He clearly had infinite worth... just saying.

2. Date Great! People often talk about making sure that you "don't settle" when it comes to marriage. Well, a sure fire way to make sure you don't settle in marriage is to not settle in who you date. Besides, dating a great person is a much better experience than dating a less than ideal candiDATE (sorry dad pun). However, I also think dating great is important because it makes the marriage decision wayyyyyy less stressful when/if you get there. Let me tell you why.

When you come to grips with the idea of marriage, especially within The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, you come to realize that marriage is no light "contract"; this is ETERNITY in the balance! Trying to sort through the natural fears and anxieties that accompany such a eternity defining decision can almost be too great for any one spiritual person to deal with... so why not make it a decision for two great people to sort out? Dating someone who is in touch with the spirit can greatly relieve the stress of trying to make a decision that is both good for both people and acceptable before the Lord.

3. When you can't love exclusively, love inclusively. What I mean by this is when you aren't in a committed relationship with a person, rather than letting your desires to love go to waste, love everyone! Rather than wallowing away your days, get out there and love. Not gonna lie, I truly believe that we need to both feel love and give it to truly be happy. So that's why we shouldn't suppress it but rather redirect it. If you can't be someone else's world, well go change it--the world I mean!

Ok. Well, that was all relationship related but yeah. Those are my thoughts tonight I suppose. I will just be candid with you all though. I hate this stage of life sometimes ya'll. But I hate most that I am hating part of my life.

The time we spend as single adults searching for someone to share our lives with while exciting, can be a tough time that can be characterized as a time of self-doubt and self-depreciation. However, I greatly appreciate the words of Elder Holland in this last October conference when he said "With... a desire for... righteousness always in our hearts, I would hope we could pursue personal improvement in a way that doesn't include getting ulcers or anorexia, feeling depressed or demolishing our self-esteem. That is not what the Lord wants for Primary children or anyone else."

Well I guess there you have it folks--maybe my picture isn't totally random as sometimes when it is hard to trust that the Lord loves me, and I feel myself giving way to negative thoughts about my life and the direction it seems to be going, I try to remember He loves me just as much now as He loved me when I had this picture taken. Sure, I've lived longer and have more reasons to think He may love me less because of some of the mistakes I've made, but the truth is, He does NOT love me any less. His love for children is evident throughout canonized scripture, and it is important that we remember His love doesn't change. He still loves me just as much as He loved the little boy in my picture.

So yeah. I'm 25 and single. I also am a good person! I have dated great people who have changed my life. Funny thing is I think I have always thought of eternity as a future event, but eternity includes now--grateful I have dated people in the span of my eternity whose impact and influence will continue to better the remainder of my eternal life. I have had to learn/and am still learning to trust both the Lord and those I have loved which has brought no shortage of tears and sleepless nights, but I am grateful for it all. I am grateful for the capacity to love. I have loved loving and hope to love much more.

A final thought that I have had during this time that I am eternally grateful for is that sometimes we are alone, so that we can learn we are never alone. The Savior has always loved us, does love us, and will always love us and even when words on a paper cannot bring you peace, I know He always can!

Stay Centered

 When we have been wronged, it seems like such a natural response within us to feel the need to rise up and attempt to avenge ourselves. In fact, driven by our pride, it can be incredibly difficult to resist this urge to set things right by force.

It's actually kind of funny to me as I am thinking about this topic to recall all the times that I resorted to setting things right by force as a little kid. My brother Sam and I sure did fight like cats and dogs at times! I know we are not unlike many other pairs of siblings. However, I do think it's interesting to see how even from a young age, many of us feel the need to fight all of our battles and set everything right. 

In The Book of Mormon, we read of the Nephites who just prior to Christ's coming are forced to deal with a group of dissenters who are trying to usurp power over them. These dissenters are robbers who raid the Nephites and subsist off of the labor of the Nephites. After a while of their plundering, the robber leader Giddianhi invites the Nephites to surrender or battle. The Nephites choose not to surrender and ask their leader if they can go up to battle against the robbers--they want to avenge their wrongs!

However, their leader's response surprises them as "Gidgiddoni saith unto them: The Lord forbid; for if we should go up against them the Lord would deliver us into their hands; therefore we will prepare ourselves in the center of our lands, and we will gather all our armies together, and we will not go against them, but we will wait till they shall come against us; therefore as the Lord liveth, if we do this he will deliver them into our hands" (3 Nephi 3:21).

I think his counsel is incredibly instructive. Rather than respond rashly, the Nephites gathered themselves and remember the Lord. When we are angry, how wise would we be to take a minute to gather ourselves and remember the Lord. I know that learning to curve our tongues can be a hard thing especially when it seems so natural to lash back when we are wronged, but I know this counsel can help us improve! The Lord would have us succeed. I want to do my best to stop and remember Him when I am struggling with this or any other weakness!

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Remember When...

Remember. With all of the millions of things that come across our consciousnesses each day, it is really quite remarkable that we remember anything at all. One of the things I love to do every so often is to try to remember my earliest memories. Some of these early memories are happy such as the one I have of running down a grassy hill with my head just barely above the grass trying to keep up with my brother Sam and cousin Alex in Soda Springs, Idaho. Some of these memories are much less happy such as the time my mom first dropped me off at school, and I realized she had left while I was in a sand box.

Memories are so interesting. While I am certainly no expert on memory, one thing I do know is that our memories do play a role in shaping our current and future behavior.

In The Book of Mormon, we read of the signs that took place in the Americas to signify to the people that Christ had been born in Bethlehem. These signs were amazing to the people! One such sign was that the night that Christ was born, the sun set, but the sky didn't get dark. It stayed light all through the night and remained light as the sun rose the next day. The people were astonished and many came to believe in Christ. However, we read in the very next chapter following these signs that "the people began to forget those signs and wonders which they had heard, and began to be less and less astonished at a sign or wonder from heaven, insomuch that they began to be hard in their hearts" (3 Nephi 2:1).

When it comes to our faith, I think that remembering is imperative. Our ability to remember spiritual experiences impacts our current and future decisions spiritually. I believe this dramatic example of the Nephites helps to illustrate this point. When they failed to remember how they felt fully at the time these signs took place, they began to question the validity of these experiences and their subsequent faith. I think we all do this if we are not careful. I think that for this reason, it is important that we either write down how we feel during spiritual experiences shortly after they have occurred or do a thorough job of reminding ourselves frequently.

The main idea for us all this week is simply that we need to make a point to remember. Many of us have had spiritual experiences in our lives but the passage of time can cause us to forget these tender experiences. I would just invite us all to make a point to remember Him who never forgets us. I know that as we make efforts to do so, our Heavenly Father who wants so desperately to be a part of our lives will help us remember Him.

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Opposition: All is Well

This past summer, I finally had the chance to take a break from my normal summer routine. Rather than return to the swamps of southeastern Louisiana to sweat out another summer performing physical labor, I took a chance on an internship in Cincinnati, Ohio. Admittedly, when I first learned that I would be going to Ohio for my internship, I had mixed feelings. My Dad raised me a staunch SEC football fan (Geaux Tigers), and I don't believe this upbringing encouraged a loathing for the BIG 10, yet I still felt a bit of resentment at the idea of being so close to Ohio State. Fortunately though, I found my summer in Ohio to be almost magical, and while I left as single as I arrived (to my parents' disappointment), I had fallen for the "Queen City." The included picture captures my softening heart for the great state of Ohio at a Cincinnati Reds' game.

While I absolutely loved my time in Cincinnati, there were times I liked my experience less (I've come to terms with the Buckeyes as a disclaimer to that statement). Some of these times actually were fairly tough, and some of these times were a little lonely. However, I feel like I learned a lot through the whole experience. At the end of the summer, I was asked to give a talk in the congregation I had attended while in Cincinnati and was given the topic, "Opposition: All is Well." When I first heard this topic, I thought to myself, "Me and Brother Perryman (the guy who assigned me the topic) must experience opposition differently." However, as I studied and pondered on this topic, I discovered that Brother Perryman was onto something with this topic.

In Helaman 3 of The Book of Mormon, we read of a point in time following the Nephite's wars with the Lamanites where the church is prospering. However, the prospering causes some of the members to become prideful to the point of persecuting their more faithful, humble brethren. Verse 35 of Helaman 3 describes the faithful's response as "they did fast and pray oft, and did wax stronger and stronger in their humility, and firmer and firmer in the faith of Christ, unto the filling of their souls with joy and consolation, yea, even to the purifying and the sanctification of their hearts, which sanctification cometh because of their yielding their hearts unto God."

I once heard as a missionary for my church the sentiment expressed "we are not humans being, we are humans becoming." Within the LDS faith, we believe that we are all children of God and that He desires for us to become more like He is. However, I have often wondered to myself what exactly it would take for a person to become more like Him. It was in studying verses like this one found in Helaman that it occurred to me that the experiences required for me to become more like God were... well, the very ones I was then experiencing--both the good and the seemingly bad. Sometimes, we can be like those faithful members of the church who are doing our best but yet, bad things or challenges confront us. The truth is God is personally involved in our becoming and accordingly, knows what we personally need to become more like Him. What that means is the opposition we face, is well, tailor made/tailor allowed for us to become like Him.

Even now, I'm sure each of us can think of something in our lives that is a "hard" thing. Yet, I believe the key to opposition is to come to see it not as opposition, but as opportunity. When I think of the great examples in my own life or the people we hear stories of  through Hollywood films, more often than not, these people are considered great not because they got passed opposition but because of who they grew to become through it.

As we face challenges, I would hope that we could see them as opportunities for us to grow. Much like my experience in Cincinnati, life has its goods and its bads. The secret though, is to see them as all good. I know that as I have tried to adopt this perspective that I have felt the Lord helping me grow through hard times. He loves us and knows both what He wants us to become as well as what it will take to help us achieve that vision. While it is not always a joyful experience (growing that is), we are destined to grow into the most joyful beings we can be as we trust the Lord knows what He is doing with us! One last thought along these lines, I think the truth for me is that as long as opposition exists in my life, I know that God has not given up on helping me become something more.

Lessons from the School of Hard Knocks

While it's a little too early to be talking about Mother's Day, one of my favorite memories surrounding the holiday is one that my mom has shared with me. Apparently, the local paper was trying to do a piece for the upcoming Mother's Day that would include children's thoughts on why they loved their moms. I don't recall how they got my thoughts, but I apparently told them (either by writing in or being interviewed) that "I love my mom because she brings me pretzels while I watch Thunder Cats." I still love my mom for that!

Among the shows other than Thunder Cats that I would watch while snacking on pretzels brought to me by my mom was SpongeBob. In one of my favorite episodes, SpongeBob and his friend Patrick Star try to construct a stable for SpongeBob's sea horse Mystery. Mystery is eventually released back into the wild and the episode ends with Patrick repeatedly banging his head against the entrance of a hat store due the board nailed to his head. It has made me laugh nearly every time I have seen it. However, as I've aged and laughed about his stupidity, I have realized that while I haven't literally nailed a board to my head, I have figuratively found myself banging my head due to metaphorical boards at various points in my life!

There is an old adage that goes "if you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got." Sometimes in life, I have found myself truly frustrated by the lack of progress that I have been making! In a feeble attempt to get things going again, I just try to do what I have been doing--but with more zeal. The problem with this, though, is there are still figurative boards attached to my head!

These figurative boards can be any number of things--sin, not getting enough sleep, not accepting personal responsibility, and etc. However, its interesting as we bang our heads as a result of these things, the natural tendency, at least for me is to just keep smacking my head rather than taking the board off at first! These times can be extremely painful and can leave us feeling hurt, bewildered, and a little bit lonely as we contemplate why we are suffering so much. If any of you are like me, you may find yourself sadly looking for excuses or places to lay the blame while continuing to smack your head. However, not surprisingly, there is something we can do to relieve this pain.

In Alma 60, we read a letter from Moroni (captain of the Nephite armies) to Pahoran (Chief Judge over the Nephites). For a little context, the Nephites have been fighting with the Lamanites and have been slowly regaining land back they lost earlier. Just when they seem to be doing well, though, the Lamanites overrun some of the recaptured Nephite cities. Moroni is irate because the army has received little help from the government and He also knows that many of the Nephites are bothered by the lack of progress the Nephite front is making. Moroni writes, "Do ye suppose God will look upon you as guiltless while sit still and behold these things? ... begin to be up and doing" (Alma 60:23-24).

I think at times, the Lord looks down and sees us smacking our heads and has to think "man, that probably hurts." However, He wants us to become and while learning this way can be painful, it is sometimes the only way we seem to learn! Moroni seems to have caught hold of this truth and while it would seem the Nephites certainly did hit their heads, Moroni's timely counsel helped them change and allowed them to go onto very quickly win back their lands. It is at times like these that we may do well to remember to be "up and doing" regarding those things we have control over!

I know the Lord loves us and wants us to succeed. I also know that a lot of times, we can be our worst enemies and not even realize it. I know that as we seek to do all that is within our power to reevaluate our lives and make changes that will allow us to progress, the Lord will help us. I know we can get where we want to go as we stop and take minute to get the boards off of our heads!

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What Does Dad Know...

When I was young, my parents had a saying that use to drive me insane (the picture attached I think portrays my best "insane" look with my dad)! When something needed to be done in a time sensitive manner or when they were just particularly stressed going into an activity, my parents would turn to us kids and say, "Now when I say jump, you say 'how high'." They would then proceed to clarify what that statement did not mean (i.e. no asking why, when, or any other form of questioning). As a youngster, I thought this request for blind obedience was annoying--after all, how was it that they could really know what was best for me in a moment.

However, now as time has progressed on, I have come to really appreciate the wisdom Mark Twain once expressed in the statement, "When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years." There were times when I was young that my parents would give me "command" me to do things that I honestly could not see the value in doing. However, as is always the case with hindsight, I have learned they were more often than not right. Funny how much we learn over a few years!

In Alma 36, we read of father Alma's counsel to his oldest son Helaman following a mission trip they went on together. Alma teaches him many things, but one message he teaches early on in his counsel stood out to me as I read it this week. In Alma 36:2, Alma reminds his son of the captivity of their not too distant ancestors and says "for they were in bondage, and none could deliver them except it was the God of Abraham, and the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob; and he surely did deliver them in their afflictions." Alma continues on to share his personal experience of having to endure bondage of a spiritual nature and how it was only the Lord who could deliver him.

I think the message here for me is that it can seem during tough times as though God is not listening or maybe even punishing us. I have found myself terribly impatient with Him during points like these in my life. However, it has occurred to me again this week that perhaps in 70 years or so when I meet up with Him again, I will be, to steal Twain's word, "astonished" at how much God has learned over this time.  Alma and his father's generation went through tough experiences--the kind of experiences that could leave a person asking "if God loves His children, why would He let them pass through this?" I think the truth is that God intends for us to not just get through but grow through these experiences--we just can't see it at the time.

As we deal with tough situations and wonder where the Lord is, I hope that we can remember to see where the Lord is leading us. I hope that we can learn to see opposition as opportunity and trust that as He leads us through deep waters, that He is making better swimmers of us. So if any of ya'll are like me and find yourself asking the Lord questions such as "why" or "when will you help", I just would invite you to ask this week, "How high."

Jump!

I think this warm weather we're experiencing has got me a little excited for summer! Any of my roommates will attest to this as I think they feel as though I started wearing shorts long before it was warm enough! Anyhow, as I have mused upon summer the last few days while sitting in class, swimming has crossed my mind. Memories have come back as I have thought about swimming. These have included remembering taking swim lessons in Luling, Dad forcing me to stick with Willowdale swim team, and swimming with the fellas in the Bogue Falya. However, the memory of swim lessons has really stood out to me.

As a little guy, I can remember that the last part of swim lessons was always jumping off the diving board into the deep end. I was always really excited to do it, but was at first way too scared to jump. I can remember making it to the end of the board, looking over the edge at the expectant life guard waiting to catch me, and then feeling suddenly overcome by the urge to use the bathroom (aka not jump)! Each day, the lifeguard would gently reassure me that he would catch me, but I just wasn't quite ready to believe him. I can remember my mind running through all the various ways that he could miss catching me--resulting in my drowning. However one day, I just decided to trust him and jump! It was exhilarating as I fell from the board, still very uncertain that I would live more than the next few seconds, but then he caught me!

In Alma 32 we read of the story of the poor of Zarahemla learning about faith from Alma. These people had endeavored to build their own synagogues alongside the more affluent members of their society but upon completion, these indigent people were denied access to these very synagogues. It was during this time that Alma came to teach them the true gospel. In his discourse on faith Alma teaches, that a major part of faith is being willing to "awake and arouse your faculties, even to experiment upon my words, and exercise a particle of faith" (Alma 32:27). He goes on to say that by so doing, the people would begin to feel that what they had learned was true and their faith would grow.

This means a lot to me because recently, I feel as though the Lord has been encouraging me to act but I have been scared to--much like on the diving board, I have allowed myself to be immobilized by fear. However, as I have read this and pondered this idea, it has occurred to me that God is even more likely than some minimum-wage paid lifeguard teaching swim lessons to catch me when I act on His counsel. By finally jumping as a boy in swim lessons, I learned to trust that lifeguard, and I think the principle is the same with God. If we want to trust/have faith in Him, we must jump first.

I will just say that I intend to make a jump in my life now, and I hope that for any of you who are feeling as though they may be suppressing a prompting to act, that you will decide to jump as well. God loves us. He wants us to become more than we currently are. However, I do not think we can gain faith in either of those statements without first trying a little on our end. So in the words of Edward Van Halen's band, "might as well jump"!