25 & Bow-Fly!

Yep. This is yours truly! I had my mom dig this gem out for me the other day as my co-workers and I were attempting to find our baby doppelgangers (look-a-likes). We decided I looked like a baby Donald Duck... flattering, right?! How does that relate to what's to follow you may ask? Well... I guess it doesn't really except for it is as random as many of these thoughts will seem to be!

Anyhow, I guess I just wanted to take a minute to share with you the random bits and pieces that I have been learning as a result of my life's recent experiences.

MYTH BUSTED! I don't know if anyone else has heard the rumor that Brigham Young supposedly once said that any man who is 25 and unmarried is a menace to society, but I know I have heard this like a bazillion times. Well, in the days leading up to my 25th, I felt like I ought to find out if I was aging into a "menace." Not gonna lie--pretty relieved when following a thorough Google search, I learned that this was nothing more than what my old mission companion would call "a faith promoting rumor." Although, in this case for me, it was a bit more "fear" promoting than anything.

Some thoughts on being single, though, when you are trying so hard to not be.

1. Marriage is not a measure of self-worth. Oh, neither is your relationship status for that matter. The real truth is if you are ever feeling like you are not measuring up as far as your worth, you may just want to reevaluate what you are using for your metric. I know that marriage can actually feel like a measure of success for young LDS folks because I feel the same societal pressures. The sad thing though is that marital status can leave a young single adult feeling condemned and almost at times, a little like a failure. These feelings are WRONG! You're individual worth is literally not a function of interpersonal relationships. FACT. That's why it is called "self-worth"... I pontificate, NOT "Interpsersonal-worth." Just occurred to me that the best person who ever lived's marital status is unknown... but He clearly had infinite worth... just saying.

2. Date Great! People often talk about making sure that you "don't settle" when it comes to marriage. Well, a sure fire way to make sure you don't settle in marriage is to not settle in who you date. Besides, dating a great person is a much better experience than dating a less than ideal candiDATE (sorry dad pun). However, I also think dating great is important because it makes the marriage decision wayyyyyy less stressful when/if you get there. Let me tell you why.

When you come to grips with the idea of marriage, especially within The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, you come to realize that marriage is no light "contract"; this is ETERNITY in the balance! Trying to sort through the natural fears and anxieties that accompany such a eternity defining decision can almost be too great for any one spiritual person to deal with... so why not make it a decision for two great people to sort out? Dating someone who is in touch with the spirit can greatly relieve the stress of trying to make a decision that is both good for both people and acceptable before the Lord.

3. When you can't love exclusively, love inclusively. What I mean by this is when you aren't in a committed relationship with a person, rather than letting your desires to love go to waste, love everyone! Rather than wallowing away your days, get out there and love. Not gonna lie, I truly believe that we need to both feel love and give it to truly be happy. So that's why we shouldn't suppress it but rather redirect it. If you can't be someone else's world, well go change it--the world I mean!

Ok. Well, that was all relationship related but yeah. Those are my thoughts tonight I suppose. I will just be candid with you all though. I hate this stage of life sometimes ya'll. But I hate most that I am hating part of my life.

The time we spend as single adults searching for someone to share our lives with while exciting, can be a tough time that can be characterized as a time of self-doubt and self-depreciation. However, I greatly appreciate the words of Elder Holland in this last October conference when he said "With... a desire for... righteousness always in our hearts, I would hope we could pursue personal improvement in a way that doesn't include getting ulcers or anorexia, feeling depressed or demolishing our self-esteem. That is not what the Lord wants for Primary children or anyone else."

Well I guess there you have it folks--maybe my picture isn't totally random as sometimes when it is hard to trust that the Lord loves me, and I feel myself giving way to negative thoughts about my life and the direction it seems to be going, I try to remember He loves me just as much now as He loved me when I had this picture taken. Sure, I've lived longer and have more reasons to think He may love me less because of some of the mistakes I've made, but the truth is, He does NOT love me any less. His love for children is evident throughout canonized scripture, and it is important that we remember His love doesn't change. He still loves me just as much as He loved the little boy in my picture.

So yeah. I'm 25 and single. I also am a good person! I have dated great people who have changed my life. Funny thing is I think I have always thought of eternity as a future event, but eternity includes now--grateful I have dated people in the span of my eternity whose impact and influence will continue to better the remainder of my eternal life. I have had to learn/and am still learning to trust both the Lord and those I have loved which has brought no shortage of tears and sleepless nights, but I am grateful for it all. I am grateful for the capacity to love. I have loved loving and hope to love much more.

A final thought that I have had during this time that I am eternally grateful for is that sometimes we are alone, so that we can learn we are never alone. The Savior has always loved us, does love us, and will always love us and even when words on a paper cannot bring you peace, I know He always can!