Just Keep Writing, Just Keep Writing

While the prospect of aging scares me at times, there are certainly a few activities that I look forward to taking part of in the future. These activities fall into my list affectionately known as "things old people do." Such activities include golfing, playing bingo, attaining family history champion status, and gloating to my kids about my senior discounts. Many of these things are things that I think I will enjoy but that, with the exception of golf, I believe will be best enjoyed during the twilight of my life.

Well, one such activity that I would have included on this list a few years ago had I been asked to share would be keeping a journal.

I am not sure exactly what motivated me to begin keeping a daily record but as of late, I have found my desire to keep up with it dwindling as I have felt like my life seems, well, boring. It is in this context that I share how I found renewed motivation to continue chronicling my life.

This week as I read Jacob 4, I read "Now behold, it came to pass that I, Jacob, having ministered much unto my people in word, (and I cannot write but a little of my words, because of the difficulty of engraving our words upon plates)... write a few words upon plates, which will give our children, and also our beloved brethren, a small degree of knowledge concerning us" (v.1-2). I felt like I could truly relate to Jacob as I read this passage--writing a journal seriously takes effort! While my record keeping is much easier than Jacob's due to our difference in stationary, I do sometimes find myself wondering if the "small degree" of information future readers of my journal will glean about me is worth all the effort.

However, I was then impressed with his following statement, "Now in this thing we do rejoice; and we labor diligently to engraven these words upon plates...[and] we have written these things, that they may know that we knew of Christ, and we had a hope of his glory" (v. 3-4). Jacob's statement made me reevaluate my current chronicles. As I reflected, I began to feel a little guilty in recognition of the fact that in my daily journal entries, even though I would have been certain to list "making sure my kids know I believe in Christ" as one of my top reasons for keeping a journal, my entries didn't seem to portray the significance Christ has played in my daily life.

Feeling a bit discouraged and not sure my kids would want to read a daily testimony if I chose to only write about Christ, I began to seriously question my efforts to journal. However, it was then as I pondered a bit longer that it occurred to me that perhaps I already have been including something each day that reflects my belief in Christ. As I panned through entries, I began to see Him in the small acts of service I wrote about completing or the listening ear that I wrote about offering a friend. It was then that I recognized something powerful also about The Book of Mormon I had not previously noticed. The principle was that even in the stories about groups' journeys or battle scenes, reflections of Christ can be seen in the peoples' actions.

I think this was huge for me to realize because writing about our lives can truly be a testimony of Christ for our journals' future readers if we are living a life that He would live. I think that my journal has the ability to not only expressly testify of Christ but also implicitly do so as readers hopefully read of a life changed and influenced by Christ. In realizing this, I have found a greater desire to continue to document the seemingly uneventful life that I may feel as though I am living because it can be a strong testimony of Christ. I have also decided to make a more earnest effort to see Christ in the implicit testimonies of Him recorded in the peoples' lives of The Book of Mormon.

Situational 'Iron'y

In the eighth chapter of 1 Nephi, we read of a dream that Nephi’s father Lehi had while they are living in the wilderness just outside of Jerusalem on their way to what the Lord described as a “promised land.” The dream Lehi recounts for his family is really quite an interesting one—the kind of dream that could leave just about anyone scratching his head. Lehi dreams of being lost in a “dark and dreary waste” (v. 7) before being led to a tree which produced the sweetest fruit he had ever partaken of. His dream also consisted of many other aspects including a large building full of prideful people, a river, a path leading to the tree, a rod of iron that seemed to serve the purpose of a handrail along the path, and many other things. If I had to guess just based off of when my family members have told me some of their dreams, Lehi’s family certainly must have been bewildered.

With that said, I have woken up from dreams before and found myself curious to determine if they may have meant something more, and in a similar manner, Nephi seemed to be interested in gleaning what his father’s dream meant. In a later vision, Nephi learns the interpretation of many of the items in his father’s dream. Some interpretations included learning that the tree and its fruit represented the Savior and the grace He offers all, the river represented the bitterness of hell, the rod represented the “word of God” or His word, and the path represented a life that leads to Christ.

I have studied this dream many times and always found it insightful. However, this time I found it incredibly interesting. As I attended my religion class, a student brought out an oddity I had missed in my previous readings—that being the “rod of iron… extended along the bank of the river” (2 Nephi 8:19). We then discussed how counter intuitive it would seem for the Lord to have His path and word so close to a river representing hell. My mind raced for reasons this could be, but the only satisfactory answers I seemed to generate were along the lines of the Lord can strengthen us even in a world where we are always close to evil. It was just when I had settled on this explanation, though, that I gleaned a humbling new insight.

I think the struggle I have had in obtaining a new insight into this aspect of the dream has been that I have always tried to generate insights from the perspective of someone trying to not fall into the river while holding to the rod. However, the thought was shared (and it has resonated with me since) that perhaps the path and rod do not extend along the river for the sake of those who are already holding onto it—perhaps it is there for the sakes of those floating down the river.

As I thought upon this, I couldn’t help but recognize how silly I had been to not think of this as certainly, all of us, especially me, have fallen into that river representative of hell or a separation from God that comes from sinning at one point or another and during our struggle to get out, we have all surely hoped to grab a hold of something solid. With this perspective, it only makes sense that “the Word” would be close by this river. Christ is always close by willing to help us back on the path. He stands there, just in reach for all who are desperately trying to find something solid in their lives.

I think there is power in realizing that no matter where we seem to be metaphorically located in Lehi’s dream that always in reach is His Word that can lead us ultimately to His grace which certainly is the sweetest of all the gifts of this life.  

I Have Weak Arms Anyway...

For anyone who has seen me in person, they know I am perhaps in contention for "Least Likely to Appear on the Cover of 'Men's Fitness'." It's not because I am not in shape but rather because my physique probably realistically will never inspire anyone to work out... well besides possibly myself.

As I have been dealing with certain decisions in my life recently, it occurred to me while I may not have an issue of overconfidence in my physical prowess, perhaps I do have an issue of overconfidence when it comes to my ability to make good life decisions. The interesting part about my life is that I have long decided that I want it to be a life led and guided by God. However, as of late, I have become adept at telling Him I would like His help but then trying to make my decisions without consulting Him.

As I was reading from 2 Nephi 4 within the Book of Mormon I came across verses 34 and 35. Verse 34 reads, "O Lord, I have trusted in thee, and I will trust in thee forever. I will not put my trust in the arm of flesh; for I know that cursed is he that putteth his trust in man or maketh flesh his arm." This verse struck me powerfully as I embarrassingly recollected my pitiful efforts to allow God to lead my life in the last little while.

I have felt just as confused as I have felt prideful recently about my decisions, and this verse was a powerful reminder that I really should consult Him who is not only in control of my life but of all those with whom I am or will be interacting with. He stands unparalleled in His ability to assist me in making the ultimate best decisions for my life as He sees the whole picture, and I realized that I should live this belief--not just espouse it.

The Prophet Nephi (who wrote these lines) then stated his resolve to trust in the Lord only and finishes his commitment by saying, "Behold, my voice shall forever ascend up unto thee, my rock and mine everlasting God." Life is full of tough and important decisions. I am grateful, though, that direction does exist that comes with the guarantee of it being in accordance with the will of Him who governs all. I know it is a natural thing to want to be independent and become even more so as we age. However, I also know that just as He always has, God always will know best and we are certain to become our best selfs as we consult Him in our decisions and choices.