25 & Bow-Fly!

Yep. This is yours truly! I had my mom dig this gem out for me the other day as my co-workers and I were attempting to find our baby doppelgangers (look-a-likes). We decided I looked like a baby Donald Duck... flattering, right?! How does that relate to what's to follow you may ask? Well... I guess it doesn't really except for it is as random as many of these thoughts will seem to be!

Anyhow, I guess I just wanted to take a minute to share with you the random bits and pieces that I have been learning as a result of my life's recent experiences.

MYTH BUSTED! I don't know if anyone else has heard the rumor that Brigham Young supposedly once said that any man who is 25 and unmarried is a menace to society, but I know I have heard this like a bazillion times. Well, in the days leading up to my 25th, I felt like I ought to find out if I was aging into a "menace." Not gonna lie--pretty relieved when following a thorough Google search, I learned that this was nothing more than what my old mission companion would call "a faith promoting rumor." Although, in this case for me, it was a bit more "fear" promoting than anything.

Some thoughts on being single, though, when you are trying so hard to not be.

1. Marriage is not a measure of self-worth. Oh, neither is your relationship status for that matter. The real truth is if you are ever feeling like you are not measuring up as far as your worth, you may just want to reevaluate what you are using for your metric. I know that marriage can actually feel like a measure of success for young LDS folks because I feel the same societal pressures. The sad thing though is that marital status can leave a young single adult feeling condemned and almost at times, a little like a failure. These feelings are WRONG! You're individual worth is literally not a function of interpersonal relationships. FACT. That's why it is called "self-worth"... I pontificate, NOT "Interpsersonal-worth." Just occurred to me that the best person who ever lived's marital status is unknown... but He clearly had infinite worth... just saying.

2. Date Great! People often talk about making sure that you "don't settle" when it comes to marriage. Well, a sure fire way to make sure you don't settle in marriage is to not settle in who you date. Besides, dating a great person is a much better experience than dating a less than ideal candiDATE (sorry dad pun). However, I also think dating great is important because it makes the marriage decision wayyyyyy less stressful when/if you get there. Let me tell you why.

When you come to grips with the idea of marriage, especially within The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, you come to realize that marriage is no light "contract"; this is ETERNITY in the balance! Trying to sort through the natural fears and anxieties that accompany such a eternity defining decision can almost be too great for any one spiritual person to deal with... so why not make it a decision for two great people to sort out? Dating someone who is in touch with the spirit can greatly relieve the stress of trying to make a decision that is both good for both people and acceptable before the Lord.

3. When you can't love exclusively, love inclusively. What I mean by this is when you aren't in a committed relationship with a person, rather than letting your desires to love go to waste, love everyone! Rather than wallowing away your days, get out there and love. Not gonna lie, I truly believe that we need to both feel love and give it to truly be happy. So that's why we shouldn't suppress it but rather redirect it. If you can't be someone else's world, well go change it--the world I mean!

Ok. Well, that was all relationship related but yeah. Those are my thoughts tonight I suppose. I will just be candid with you all though. I hate this stage of life sometimes ya'll. But I hate most that I am hating part of my life.

The time we spend as single adults searching for someone to share our lives with while exciting, can be a tough time that can be characterized as a time of self-doubt and self-depreciation. However, I greatly appreciate the words of Elder Holland in this last October conference when he said "With... a desire for... righteousness always in our hearts, I would hope we could pursue personal improvement in a way that doesn't include getting ulcers or anorexia, feeling depressed or demolishing our self-esteem. That is not what the Lord wants for Primary children or anyone else."

Well I guess there you have it folks--maybe my picture isn't totally random as sometimes when it is hard to trust that the Lord loves me, and I feel myself giving way to negative thoughts about my life and the direction it seems to be going, I try to remember He loves me just as much now as He loved me when I had this picture taken. Sure, I've lived longer and have more reasons to think He may love me less because of some of the mistakes I've made, but the truth is, He does NOT love me any less. His love for children is evident throughout canonized scripture, and it is important that we remember His love doesn't change. He still loves me just as much as He loved the little boy in my picture.

So yeah. I'm 25 and single. I also am a good person! I have dated great people who have changed my life. Funny thing is I think I have always thought of eternity as a future event, but eternity includes now--grateful I have dated people in the span of my eternity whose impact and influence will continue to better the remainder of my eternal life. I have had to learn/and am still learning to trust both the Lord and those I have loved which has brought no shortage of tears and sleepless nights, but I am grateful for it all. I am grateful for the capacity to love. I have loved loving and hope to love much more.

A final thought that I have had during this time that I am eternally grateful for is that sometimes we are alone, so that we can learn we are never alone. The Savior has always loved us, does love us, and will always love us and even when words on a paper cannot bring you peace, I know He always can!

Stay Centered

 When we have been wronged, it seems like such a natural response within us to feel the need to rise up and attempt to avenge ourselves. In fact, driven by our pride, it can be incredibly difficult to resist this urge to set things right by force.

It's actually kind of funny to me as I am thinking about this topic to recall all the times that I resorted to setting things right by force as a little kid. My brother Sam and I sure did fight like cats and dogs at times! I know we are not unlike many other pairs of siblings. However, I do think it's interesting to see how even from a young age, many of us feel the need to fight all of our battles and set everything right. 

In The Book of Mormon, we read of the Nephites who just prior to Christ's coming are forced to deal with a group of dissenters who are trying to usurp power over them. These dissenters are robbers who raid the Nephites and subsist off of the labor of the Nephites. After a while of their plundering, the robber leader Giddianhi invites the Nephites to surrender or battle. The Nephites choose not to surrender and ask their leader if they can go up to battle against the robbers--they want to avenge their wrongs!

However, their leader's response surprises them as "Gidgiddoni saith unto them: The Lord forbid; for if we should go up against them the Lord would deliver us into their hands; therefore we will prepare ourselves in the center of our lands, and we will gather all our armies together, and we will not go against them, but we will wait till they shall come against us; therefore as the Lord liveth, if we do this he will deliver them into our hands" (3 Nephi 3:21).

I think his counsel is incredibly instructive. Rather than respond rashly, the Nephites gathered themselves and remember the Lord. When we are angry, how wise would we be to take a minute to gather ourselves and remember the Lord. I know that learning to curve our tongues can be a hard thing especially when it seems so natural to lash back when we are wronged, but I know this counsel can help us improve! The Lord would have us succeed. I want to do my best to stop and remember Him when I am struggling with this or any other weakness!

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Remember When...

Remember. With all of the millions of things that come across our consciousnesses each day, it is really quite remarkable that we remember anything at all. One of the things I love to do every so often is to try to remember my earliest memories. Some of these early memories are happy such as the one I have of running down a grassy hill with my head just barely above the grass trying to keep up with my brother Sam and cousin Alex in Soda Springs, Idaho. Some of these memories are much less happy such as the time my mom first dropped me off at school, and I realized she had left while I was in a sand box.

Memories are so interesting. While I am certainly no expert on memory, one thing I do know is that our memories do play a role in shaping our current and future behavior.

In The Book of Mormon, we read of the signs that took place in the Americas to signify to the people that Christ had been born in Bethlehem. These signs were amazing to the people! One such sign was that the night that Christ was born, the sun set, but the sky didn't get dark. It stayed light all through the night and remained light as the sun rose the next day. The people were astonished and many came to believe in Christ. However, we read in the very next chapter following these signs that "the people began to forget those signs and wonders which they had heard, and began to be less and less astonished at a sign or wonder from heaven, insomuch that they began to be hard in their hearts" (3 Nephi 2:1).

When it comes to our faith, I think that remembering is imperative. Our ability to remember spiritual experiences impacts our current and future decisions spiritually. I believe this dramatic example of the Nephites helps to illustrate this point. When they failed to remember how they felt fully at the time these signs took place, they began to question the validity of these experiences and their subsequent faith. I think we all do this if we are not careful. I think that for this reason, it is important that we either write down how we feel during spiritual experiences shortly after they have occurred or do a thorough job of reminding ourselves frequently.

The main idea for us all this week is simply that we need to make a point to remember. Many of us have had spiritual experiences in our lives but the passage of time can cause us to forget these tender experiences. I would just invite us all to make a point to remember Him who never forgets us. I know that as we make efforts to do so, our Heavenly Father who wants so desperately to be a part of our lives will help us remember Him.

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Opposition: All is Well

This past summer, I finally had the chance to take a break from my normal summer routine. Rather than return to the swamps of southeastern Louisiana to sweat out another summer performing physical labor, I took a chance on an internship in Cincinnati, Ohio. Admittedly, when I first learned that I would be going to Ohio for my internship, I had mixed feelings. My Dad raised me a staunch SEC football fan (Geaux Tigers), and I don't believe this upbringing encouraged a loathing for the BIG 10, yet I still felt a bit of resentment at the idea of being so close to Ohio State. Fortunately though, I found my summer in Ohio to be almost magical, and while I left as single as I arrived (to my parents' disappointment), I had fallen for the "Queen City." The included picture captures my softening heart for the great state of Ohio at a Cincinnati Reds' game.

While I absolutely loved my time in Cincinnati, there were times I liked my experience less (I've come to terms with the Buckeyes as a disclaimer to that statement). Some of these times actually were fairly tough, and some of these times were a little lonely. However, I feel like I learned a lot through the whole experience. At the end of the summer, I was asked to give a talk in the congregation I had attended while in Cincinnati and was given the topic, "Opposition: All is Well." When I first heard this topic, I thought to myself, "Me and Brother Perryman (the guy who assigned me the topic) must experience opposition differently." However, as I studied and pondered on this topic, I discovered that Brother Perryman was onto something with this topic.

In Helaman 3 of The Book of Mormon, we read of a point in time following the Nephite's wars with the Lamanites where the church is prospering. However, the prospering causes some of the members to become prideful to the point of persecuting their more faithful, humble brethren. Verse 35 of Helaman 3 describes the faithful's response as "they did fast and pray oft, and did wax stronger and stronger in their humility, and firmer and firmer in the faith of Christ, unto the filling of their souls with joy and consolation, yea, even to the purifying and the sanctification of their hearts, which sanctification cometh because of their yielding their hearts unto God."

I once heard as a missionary for my church the sentiment expressed "we are not humans being, we are humans becoming." Within the LDS faith, we believe that we are all children of God and that He desires for us to become more like He is. However, I have often wondered to myself what exactly it would take for a person to become more like Him. It was in studying verses like this one found in Helaman that it occurred to me that the experiences required for me to become more like God were... well, the very ones I was then experiencing--both the good and the seemingly bad. Sometimes, we can be like those faithful members of the church who are doing our best but yet, bad things or challenges confront us. The truth is God is personally involved in our becoming and accordingly, knows what we personally need to become more like Him. What that means is the opposition we face, is well, tailor made/tailor allowed for us to become like Him.

Even now, I'm sure each of us can think of something in our lives that is a "hard" thing. Yet, I believe the key to opposition is to come to see it not as opposition, but as opportunity. When I think of the great examples in my own life or the people we hear stories of  through Hollywood films, more often than not, these people are considered great not because they got passed opposition but because of who they grew to become through it.

As we face challenges, I would hope that we could see them as opportunities for us to grow. Much like my experience in Cincinnati, life has its goods and its bads. The secret though, is to see them as all good. I know that as I have tried to adopt this perspective that I have felt the Lord helping me grow through hard times. He loves us and knows both what He wants us to become as well as what it will take to help us achieve that vision. While it is not always a joyful experience (growing that is), we are destined to grow into the most joyful beings we can be as we trust the Lord knows what He is doing with us! One last thought along these lines, I think the truth for me is that as long as opposition exists in my life, I know that God has not given up on helping me become something more.

Lessons from the School of Hard Knocks

While it's a little too early to be talking about Mother's Day, one of my favorite memories surrounding the holiday is one that my mom has shared with me. Apparently, the local paper was trying to do a piece for the upcoming Mother's Day that would include children's thoughts on why they loved their moms. I don't recall how they got my thoughts, but I apparently told them (either by writing in or being interviewed) that "I love my mom because she brings me pretzels while I watch Thunder Cats." I still love my mom for that!

Among the shows other than Thunder Cats that I would watch while snacking on pretzels brought to me by my mom was SpongeBob. In one of my favorite episodes, SpongeBob and his friend Patrick Star try to construct a stable for SpongeBob's sea horse Mystery. Mystery is eventually released back into the wild and the episode ends with Patrick repeatedly banging his head against the entrance of a hat store due the board nailed to his head. It has made me laugh nearly every time I have seen it. However, as I've aged and laughed about his stupidity, I have realized that while I haven't literally nailed a board to my head, I have figuratively found myself banging my head due to metaphorical boards at various points in my life!

There is an old adage that goes "if you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got." Sometimes in life, I have found myself truly frustrated by the lack of progress that I have been making! In a feeble attempt to get things going again, I just try to do what I have been doing--but with more zeal. The problem with this, though, is there are still figurative boards attached to my head!

These figurative boards can be any number of things--sin, not getting enough sleep, not accepting personal responsibility, and etc. However, its interesting as we bang our heads as a result of these things, the natural tendency, at least for me is to just keep smacking my head rather than taking the board off at first! These times can be extremely painful and can leave us feeling hurt, bewildered, and a little bit lonely as we contemplate why we are suffering so much. If any of you are like me, you may find yourself sadly looking for excuses or places to lay the blame while continuing to smack your head. However, not surprisingly, there is something we can do to relieve this pain.

In Alma 60, we read a letter from Moroni (captain of the Nephite armies) to Pahoran (Chief Judge over the Nephites). For a little context, the Nephites have been fighting with the Lamanites and have been slowly regaining land back they lost earlier. Just when they seem to be doing well, though, the Lamanites overrun some of the recaptured Nephite cities. Moroni is irate because the army has received little help from the government and He also knows that many of the Nephites are bothered by the lack of progress the Nephite front is making. Moroni writes, "Do ye suppose God will look upon you as guiltless while sit still and behold these things? ... begin to be up and doing" (Alma 60:23-24).

I think at times, the Lord looks down and sees us smacking our heads and has to think "man, that probably hurts." However, He wants us to become and while learning this way can be painful, it is sometimes the only way we seem to learn! Moroni seems to have caught hold of this truth and while it would seem the Nephites certainly did hit their heads, Moroni's timely counsel helped them change and allowed them to go onto very quickly win back their lands. It is at times like these that we may do well to remember to be "up and doing" regarding those things we have control over!

I know the Lord loves us and wants us to succeed. I also know that a lot of times, we can be our worst enemies and not even realize it. I know that as we seek to do all that is within our power to reevaluate our lives and make changes that will allow us to progress, the Lord will help us. I know we can get where we want to go as we stop and take minute to get the boards off of our heads!

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What Does Dad Know...

When I was young, my parents had a saying that use to drive me insane (the picture attached I think portrays my best "insane" look with my dad)! When something needed to be done in a time sensitive manner or when they were just particularly stressed going into an activity, my parents would turn to us kids and say, "Now when I say jump, you say 'how high'." They would then proceed to clarify what that statement did not mean (i.e. no asking why, when, or any other form of questioning). As a youngster, I thought this request for blind obedience was annoying--after all, how was it that they could really know what was best for me in a moment.

However, now as time has progressed on, I have come to really appreciate the wisdom Mark Twain once expressed in the statement, "When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years." There were times when I was young that my parents would give me "command" me to do things that I honestly could not see the value in doing. However, as is always the case with hindsight, I have learned they were more often than not right. Funny how much we learn over a few years!

In Alma 36, we read of father Alma's counsel to his oldest son Helaman following a mission trip they went on together. Alma teaches him many things, but one message he teaches early on in his counsel stood out to me as I read it this week. In Alma 36:2, Alma reminds his son of the captivity of their not too distant ancestors and says "for they were in bondage, and none could deliver them except it was the God of Abraham, and the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob; and he surely did deliver them in their afflictions." Alma continues on to share his personal experience of having to endure bondage of a spiritual nature and how it was only the Lord who could deliver him.

I think the message here for me is that it can seem during tough times as though God is not listening or maybe even punishing us. I have found myself terribly impatient with Him during points like these in my life. However, it has occurred to me again this week that perhaps in 70 years or so when I meet up with Him again, I will be, to steal Twain's word, "astonished" at how much God has learned over this time.  Alma and his father's generation went through tough experiences--the kind of experiences that could leave a person asking "if God loves His children, why would He let them pass through this?" I think the truth is that God intends for us to not just get through but grow through these experiences--we just can't see it at the time.

As we deal with tough situations and wonder where the Lord is, I hope that we can remember to see where the Lord is leading us. I hope that we can learn to see opposition as opportunity and trust that as He leads us through deep waters, that He is making better swimmers of us. So if any of ya'll are like me and find yourself asking the Lord questions such as "why" or "when will you help", I just would invite you to ask this week, "How high."

Jump!

I think this warm weather we're experiencing has got me a little excited for summer! Any of my roommates will attest to this as I think they feel as though I started wearing shorts long before it was warm enough! Anyhow, as I have mused upon summer the last few days while sitting in class, swimming has crossed my mind. Memories have come back as I have thought about swimming. These have included remembering taking swim lessons in Luling, Dad forcing me to stick with Willowdale swim team, and swimming with the fellas in the Bogue Falya. However, the memory of swim lessons has really stood out to me.

As a little guy, I can remember that the last part of swim lessons was always jumping off the diving board into the deep end. I was always really excited to do it, but was at first way too scared to jump. I can remember making it to the end of the board, looking over the edge at the expectant life guard waiting to catch me, and then feeling suddenly overcome by the urge to use the bathroom (aka not jump)! Each day, the lifeguard would gently reassure me that he would catch me, but I just wasn't quite ready to believe him. I can remember my mind running through all the various ways that he could miss catching me--resulting in my drowning. However one day, I just decided to trust him and jump! It was exhilarating as I fell from the board, still very uncertain that I would live more than the next few seconds, but then he caught me!

In Alma 32 we read of the story of the poor of Zarahemla learning about faith from Alma. These people had endeavored to build their own synagogues alongside the more affluent members of their society but upon completion, these indigent people were denied access to these very synagogues. It was during this time that Alma came to teach them the true gospel. In his discourse on faith Alma teaches, that a major part of faith is being willing to "awake and arouse your faculties, even to experiment upon my words, and exercise a particle of faith" (Alma 32:27). He goes on to say that by so doing, the people would begin to feel that what they had learned was true and their faith would grow.

This means a lot to me because recently, I feel as though the Lord has been encouraging me to act but I have been scared to--much like on the diving board, I have allowed myself to be immobilized by fear. However, as I have read this and pondered this idea, it has occurred to me that God is even more likely than some minimum-wage paid lifeguard teaching swim lessons to catch me when I act on His counsel. By finally jumping as a boy in swim lessons, I learned to trust that lifeguard, and I think the principle is the same with God. If we want to trust/have faith in Him, we must jump first.

I will just say that I intend to make a jump in my life now, and I hope that for any of you who are feeling as though they may be suppressing a prompting to act, that you will decide to jump as well. God loves us. He wants us to become more than we currently are. However, I do not think we can gain faith in either of those statements without first trying a little on our end. So in the words of Edward Van Halen's band, "might as well jump"!

"All We Need is a Little Patience"

While on my mission in Alaska, I heard a couple wise sayings that made me laugh but have stuck with me. Both of these sayings dealt with patience. The first was "I really want patience... but I want it now." The second saying was simply more of a prayer to God that He would "help me learn quickly what I am suppose to from this challenge so that it is no longer a challenge."

I think I really appreciated these sayings while on my mission because being a missionary often involved both waiting and challenges. Both of these aspects of missionary work left me feeling at times extremely impatient.

Since being home, I have found that trying to develop patience and conquering challenges seem to have come home with me--imagine that! Recently, I have found myself confronting these same issues. In the past months, I have been trying to make many life decisions with my graduation approaching here in April and have felt as though the Lord has been slow to answer my prayers. This has left me feeling fairly discouraged. The Lord has also at times answered me, but in a way my father would of approve of--by "answering the question that should have been asked rather than the one that was."

As I read from the scriptures this week, though, I came across the story of the sons' of King Mosiah (king over the Lamanites) mission to the Lamanites (enemies to King Mosiah's people). One of the brothers has immense initial success whereas the other brothers are met with serious tribulation. After a while, the successful brother Ammon finds his brothers in prison and it is recorded in Alma 20: 29, "And when Ammon did meet them he was exceedingly sorrowful, for behold they were naked, and their skins were worn exceedingly because of being bound with strong cords. And they also had suffered hunger, thirst, and all kinds of afflictions; nevertheless they were patient in all their sufferings."

This verse touched me because what these imprisoned brothers didn't know was the success that would shortly befall them. One brother in particular would go on to help convert the king of the Lamanite nation! Yet for a time, these brothers suffered immensely in prison. I have to think that at times, they must have been tempted to wonder what the Lord was doing or what was taking Him so long to help them. However, they endured and as He always does, the Lord came through.

I think at times, the Lord has us make sacrifices that seem tough or puts us through trying times. It is during these times that we seem to become painfully aware of time and can become impatient. However, I think it is because we fail to understand the Lord's workings. I think the key to developing patience is faith. In Samuel we read, "them that honour me I will honour" (1 Sam. 2:30). The imprisoned sons of Mosiah waited patiently on God, and I believe they were able to do so because they had faith Him and His timing. He knows what we need and when we need it. I will wait patiently because I believe that.

For those of you who may feel as though you are waiting on the Lord as well, wait on! Don't give up on Him. I don't know what will befall us in every situation, but I do know that when we patiently wait on Him, it will be His will!

Fix You

For anyone who knows me, they know that I am probably a little bit too much of a fan of Coldplay. I think they do a great job making music that comes from the soul. I think this may be why their songs are able to connect with me and so many others. One such song is "Fix You." After laying out the struggle of trying "your best but you don't succeed," Coldplay writes "lights will guide you home...and I will try to fix you."

In Alma 8, we read the account of Alma who has given up his political office to go around the land proclaiming repentance full-time. He visits a few towns and has success before being shut down completely by the people of Ammonihah. In response Alma begins to leave but the scriptures read "it came to pass that while he was journeying thither, being weighed down with sorrow, wading through much tribulation and anguish of soul...it came to pass that while Alma was thus weighed down with sorrow, behold an angel of the Lord appeared to him" (Alma 8:14).

The angel would tell Alma to return to Ammonihah one more time and after obeying, Alma has moderate success in his endeavors. However, I think this scripture is meaningful for me because it is something that I feel as though I can relate to very much. There have been times where I have been giving everything I have got to do what is right and have felt incredibly dejected and almost alone when faced with disappointment. I think that during these times I have found myself deeply sorrowful and have even caught myself wondering why God would allow me to pass through failure when I have been trying so hard to do everything right.

I think the answer for me and for anyone who has felt or is feeling like this is hope--hope that a light will guide you home. For Alma, an angel came to him and comforted him. For me, it has been my angel family members, friends, or sometimes the Lord Himself through prayer who have helped guide me home. The real principle is this, love is not as allusive as it may feel at times.

When Alma needed comfort most, he did receive it and so can we. I know it can be awfully discouraging at times to feel like you are doing everything right only to be rewarded with a less than desirable outcome, but it is in these moments that we can learn to rely on others. The other principle I think may be less evident from Alma's story is that hardships help make us into God would have us become. I know trials are hard, but I do know that as we look for help, we will find it. I also know that if we persevere, God can "fix" us into who He knows we can become! So next time you are really struggling after giving your all, look up and try to see what God is making of you.

Feeling Like a Black Sheep, eh?

When you Google the the definition for the word infinite, the definition that you will find is "limitless or endless in space, extent, or size." This is a fairly tough concept to wrap our minds around, but we generally understand that something that is infinite is understood to be limitless. 

With that understanding in mind, we sometimes hear Christ's atonement (His suffering and death for us) described as infinite, and we understand that it can be enough to cleanse and strengthen anyone, anytime, anywhere. However, it has occurred to me over time from my own experience that while we understand this concept intellectually, I think that we at times may actually really feel in our hearts as though there is a limit to His atonement--a place, a time, a person that it does not cover. Unfortunately, I believe that this person more often than not for most people is themselves.

Many of us have known someone who has been touched by Christ's grace, and we know that many others have and can be as well, but at times it can be difficult for us to believe we can be included among these people. In Mosiah 29:20, the king of the Nephites reminds his people of how a part of them had recently been in bondage and teaches "[God] did deliver them because they did humble themselves before him; and because they cried mightily unto him he did deliver them out of bondage; and thus doth the Lord work with his power in all cases among the children of men, extending the arm of mercy towards them that put their trust in him." 

The part of this teaching that I would like to call out is that Mosiah states in no uncertain terms that the Lord extends mercy in all cases. This means so much to me as I have felt before in my life that while the atonement was efficacious for others, I did not know if it could be efficacious for me. The strangest irony in this thought, though, is that as I have mentioned, this is not a unique thought--many of us at one point or another have felt this way. The atonement is in fact infinite and fortunately for us all, it does include all of us. I came to know this by calling upon Him for mercy myself and learning the truth that even for people who are certain His atonement won't work for them, sorry, (but not so sorry) it will.

For any of my friends or family who are living life wondering what others are talking about when they talk about how their lives have been changed by Christ, I would just invite you to try calling upon Him to strengthen you. For those of my friends and family who feel as I have in the passed in that they feel isolated and outside the bounds of His grace for whatever reason, I would just invite you to do the same. 

I don't know very many things absolutely, but I do know this. Christ loves us so much and anyone who trusts Him enough to try calling on Him sincerely can feel His truly matchless love as well. 

Make That Change!

Within The Book of Mormon, there are many different groups of people that readers encounter. However, two of the most notable groups are the Lamanites and the Nephites--long-time enemies of each other. Very early on within The Book of Mormon, the Nephites flee their homeland as instructed by the Lord, and the Lamanites then proceed to inhabit the land of Nephi. Later on, though, a group of Nephites led by a man named Zeniff decide that they would like to go live back in the land of Nephi if the Lamanites will let them. The Lamanites surprisingly do go for this with the implicit agreement that they will allow the Zeniff's people to live there peacefully. However, later on the Lamanites attack and while they are initially repulsed, we learn that predictably, the Lamanites agreed to these terms in hopes of enslaving Zeniff's people.

As a kid I can remember reading this story and thinking "Oh man! Bad idea to intentionally surround yourself with your enemies". Despite my skepticism of this move, I have still always tried to draw inspiration from Zeniff's people's ability to at least still stay strong in the faith even when surrounded by those who opposed their faith as long as they did. However, this time as a I read, I could not help but think about how strange it is that even once Zeniff realizes the Lamanites are not actually interested in being friends but are rather interested in enslaving His people that he doesn't pack up and lead his people to safety. Rather, Zeniff's response to realizing the Lamanites are likely to attack again is only to "set guards round about the land, that the Lamanites might not come upon us again unawares and destroy us" (Mosiah 10:2).

 I believe that his answer to this threat reveals perhaps a human flaw that when we are able to successfully survive something, we feel as though we can survive anything on our own power. As anyone who has read the next few verses and chapters knows, Zeniff's people are eventually enslaved despite his efforts to keep them safe. I think the principle this teaches is that we are not actually invincible. If we place ourselves in terrible places in our lives and do not get out of them once realizing that we are in a terrible place, we will likely fall. I think the truth "pride cometh before the fall" is really at the heart of this principle.

I know that at times I have been guilty of believing I can take on the world and not falter, but I think the truth is that only one has been able to do so successfully. I also think we have a tendency to blame God once we are enslaved after staying our bad places. For me personally, I feel as though God has always given me strength to get out of my bad places when  I have accepted that it is a bad place. I think for us, we need to be realistic in our expectations of our ability to not be influenced by others around us and recognize when we need to move to safer ground. This can mean changing friend groups, changing jobs, or just making large personal changes. While I know change is hard, I think in the long run, changing early can save us from greater pain. May we all recognize when we have been blessed with a chance to right our lives and take those chances as God gives them!

Starting- Just Do It!

As a looked through motivational quotes this week on the internet in an effort to inspire me amidst this week of midterms and assignments, I came across the old adage, “the beginning is always the hardest part.” I can certainly attest of this when it comes to getting ready for a test! However, I have found myself pondering upon this adage in the context of faith as well this week and would like to share with ya’ll my thoughts on this.

I have found that when it comes to the struggle of faith, (whether it be beginning to believe, trying again to believe, or just building upon existing faith) this adage seems to hold true. Contemplating the vastness of faith and God’s infiniteness can leave one’s head swirling. For the person who decides much like a determined student to succeed in their quest for faith, I feel certain that the most difficult question to be answered along the path remain will always be “where do I start?”.

This week as I read through King Benjamin’s words found within Mosiah 4:9, though, I was reminded of what I believe the answer to this difficult question is. King Benjamin teaches, “Believe in God; believe that he is, and that he created all things, both in heaven and in earth.” I believe the answer of where to start with faith begins with finding a belief in God.

I can remember heading into school one morning years ago while at BYU and pondering this very verse. At this point in my life all those years ago, I had begun to truly question the origins of my beliefs—had I come to espouse certain beliefs because of my upbringing or did I in fact, of myself believe in my faith along with its many tenets. This was truly upsetting to me, though, and despite a lot of introspection, I wasn’t really quite sure I could even answer the basic question with full conviction that I knew that God lived.

As I looked out across the Utah valley that morning, though, I saw the majesty of Mount Timpanogas just the sun began to break behind its peak. I saw the trees lining the rivers I passed. I saw all sorts of life—birds, humans, small pets—out and about enjoying the scenery. It was beautiful.

After taking in the nature for a little while, my attention was then drawn to something else—I saw a tall building.

For the first time it hit me how feeble our manmade creations are. As grand as that building looked, it had nothing on the mountains, trees, or life I saw all around me. It struck me as odd as I marveled at this skyscraper’s insignificance, though, how caught up and proud we are as a species despite obviously not being in contention for the best developers of beauty.

It was then that I recalled these words of King Benjamin. As I pondered upon his words, I began to desperately give all I had in that moment to believe in God and that it was He who had overseen the creation of all the beauty around me. As I did so, I felt a calm, reassuring peace settle over me, almost like a gentle voice telling me, “I’m glad to see you can see me.”

This scripture has come to mean to me that we begin our faith by believing in God. While this first step seems daunting, He is certainly not hard to see if we but look around. I believe that King Benjamin hoped that his words, while seemingly simplistic, would lead those sincere in their efforts to find faith to find Him. King Benjamin had seen evidences of God in all creation and I am grateful that I stopped to look as well.

I don’t know that everyone is as touched or inspired by seeing nature’s unrivaled majesty as I am but I know that God knows each one of us and can find a way for each of us to know Him personally if we will look for Him. I would just invite you all as my friends, no matter where you are at on your search for faith, to try to see Him today and believe.

Just Keep Writing, Just Keep Writing

While the prospect of aging scares me at times, there are certainly a few activities that I look forward to taking part of in the future. These activities fall into my list affectionately known as "things old people do." Such activities include golfing, playing bingo, attaining family history champion status, and gloating to my kids about my senior discounts. Many of these things are things that I think I will enjoy but that, with the exception of golf, I believe will be best enjoyed during the twilight of my life.

Well, one such activity that I would have included on this list a few years ago had I been asked to share would be keeping a journal.

I am not sure exactly what motivated me to begin keeping a daily record but as of late, I have found my desire to keep up with it dwindling as I have felt like my life seems, well, boring. It is in this context that I share how I found renewed motivation to continue chronicling my life.

This week as I read Jacob 4, I read "Now behold, it came to pass that I, Jacob, having ministered much unto my people in word, (and I cannot write but a little of my words, because of the difficulty of engraving our words upon plates)... write a few words upon plates, which will give our children, and also our beloved brethren, a small degree of knowledge concerning us" (v.1-2). I felt like I could truly relate to Jacob as I read this passage--writing a journal seriously takes effort! While my record keeping is much easier than Jacob's due to our difference in stationary, I do sometimes find myself wondering if the "small degree" of information future readers of my journal will glean about me is worth all the effort.

However, I was then impressed with his following statement, "Now in this thing we do rejoice; and we labor diligently to engraven these words upon plates...[and] we have written these things, that they may know that we knew of Christ, and we had a hope of his glory" (v. 3-4). Jacob's statement made me reevaluate my current chronicles. As I reflected, I began to feel a little guilty in recognition of the fact that in my daily journal entries, even though I would have been certain to list "making sure my kids know I believe in Christ" as one of my top reasons for keeping a journal, my entries didn't seem to portray the significance Christ has played in my daily life.

Feeling a bit discouraged and not sure my kids would want to read a daily testimony if I chose to only write about Christ, I began to seriously question my efforts to journal. However, it was then as I pondered a bit longer that it occurred to me that perhaps I already have been including something each day that reflects my belief in Christ. As I panned through entries, I began to see Him in the small acts of service I wrote about completing or the listening ear that I wrote about offering a friend. It was then that I recognized something powerful also about The Book of Mormon I had not previously noticed. The principle was that even in the stories about groups' journeys or battle scenes, reflections of Christ can be seen in the peoples' actions.

I think this was huge for me to realize because writing about our lives can truly be a testimony of Christ for our journals' future readers if we are living a life that He would live. I think that my journal has the ability to not only expressly testify of Christ but also implicitly do so as readers hopefully read of a life changed and influenced by Christ. In realizing this, I have found a greater desire to continue to document the seemingly uneventful life that I may feel as though I am living because it can be a strong testimony of Christ. I have also decided to make a more earnest effort to see Christ in the implicit testimonies of Him recorded in the peoples' lives of The Book of Mormon.

Situational 'Iron'y

In the eighth chapter of 1 Nephi, we read of a dream that Nephi’s father Lehi had while they are living in the wilderness just outside of Jerusalem on their way to what the Lord described as a “promised land.” The dream Lehi recounts for his family is really quite an interesting one—the kind of dream that could leave just about anyone scratching his head. Lehi dreams of being lost in a “dark and dreary waste” (v. 7) before being led to a tree which produced the sweetest fruit he had ever partaken of. His dream also consisted of many other aspects including a large building full of prideful people, a river, a path leading to the tree, a rod of iron that seemed to serve the purpose of a handrail along the path, and many other things. If I had to guess just based off of when my family members have told me some of their dreams, Lehi’s family certainly must have been bewildered.

With that said, I have woken up from dreams before and found myself curious to determine if they may have meant something more, and in a similar manner, Nephi seemed to be interested in gleaning what his father’s dream meant. In a later vision, Nephi learns the interpretation of many of the items in his father’s dream. Some interpretations included learning that the tree and its fruit represented the Savior and the grace He offers all, the river represented the bitterness of hell, the rod represented the “word of God” or His word, and the path represented a life that leads to Christ.

I have studied this dream many times and always found it insightful. However, this time I found it incredibly interesting. As I attended my religion class, a student brought out an oddity I had missed in my previous readings—that being the “rod of iron… extended along the bank of the river” (2 Nephi 8:19). We then discussed how counter intuitive it would seem for the Lord to have His path and word so close to a river representing hell. My mind raced for reasons this could be, but the only satisfactory answers I seemed to generate were along the lines of the Lord can strengthen us even in a world where we are always close to evil. It was just when I had settled on this explanation, though, that I gleaned a humbling new insight.

I think the struggle I have had in obtaining a new insight into this aspect of the dream has been that I have always tried to generate insights from the perspective of someone trying to not fall into the river while holding to the rod. However, the thought was shared (and it has resonated with me since) that perhaps the path and rod do not extend along the river for the sake of those who are already holding onto it—perhaps it is there for the sakes of those floating down the river.

As I thought upon this, I couldn’t help but recognize how silly I had been to not think of this as certainly, all of us, especially me, have fallen into that river representative of hell or a separation from God that comes from sinning at one point or another and during our struggle to get out, we have all surely hoped to grab a hold of something solid. With this perspective, it only makes sense that “the Word” would be close by this river. Christ is always close by willing to help us back on the path. He stands there, just in reach for all who are desperately trying to find something solid in their lives.

I think there is power in realizing that no matter where we seem to be metaphorically located in Lehi’s dream that always in reach is His Word that can lead us ultimately to His grace which certainly is the sweetest of all the gifts of this life.  

I Have Weak Arms Anyway...

For anyone who has seen me in person, they know I am perhaps in contention for "Least Likely to Appear on the Cover of 'Men's Fitness'." It's not because I am not in shape but rather because my physique probably realistically will never inspire anyone to work out... well besides possibly myself.

As I have been dealing with certain decisions in my life recently, it occurred to me while I may not have an issue of overconfidence in my physical prowess, perhaps I do have an issue of overconfidence when it comes to my ability to make good life decisions. The interesting part about my life is that I have long decided that I want it to be a life led and guided by God. However, as of late, I have become adept at telling Him I would like His help but then trying to make my decisions without consulting Him.

As I was reading from 2 Nephi 4 within the Book of Mormon I came across verses 34 and 35. Verse 34 reads, "O Lord, I have trusted in thee, and I will trust in thee forever. I will not put my trust in the arm of flesh; for I know that cursed is he that putteth his trust in man or maketh flesh his arm." This verse struck me powerfully as I embarrassingly recollected my pitiful efforts to allow God to lead my life in the last little while.

I have felt just as confused as I have felt prideful recently about my decisions, and this verse was a powerful reminder that I really should consult Him who is not only in control of my life but of all those with whom I am or will be interacting with. He stands unparalleled in His ability to assist me in making the ultimate best decisions for my life as He sees the whole picture, and I realized that I should live this belief--not just espouse it.

The Prophet Nephi (who wrote these lines) then stated his resolve to trust in the Lord only and finishes his commitment by saying, "Behold, my voice shall forever ascend up unto thee, my rock and mine everlasting God." Life is full of tough and important decisions. I am grateful, though, that direction does exist that comes with the guarantee of it being in accordance with the will of Him who governs all. I know it is a natural thing to want to be independent and become even more so as we age. However, I also know that just as He always has, God always will know best and we are certain to become our best selfs as we consult Him in our decisions and choices.